It will continue to be automatically applied until the plot itself either ends or gives us some proper payoff. This -10 score will be applied to each character for every episode the Sand Snakes, Bronn, and Jaime have made an appearance since the Dorne mission subplot kicked off. They take themselves way too seriously, they're not nearly scary enough (only one kill between the three of them this season, and he was a redshirt buried to his neck in sand - very low difficulty level), and they all have very belabored "foreign sounding" accents. We're six episodes in, and I am not sold on all the hype about Oberyn's daughters. I'm bored and not feeling very charitable to this show this week, so - ominous horns! - I'm going to go ahead and punch the "boring side plot" demerit button, not only for Jaime and Bronn, but for all the Sand Snakes as well. Ugh, daaaaad/uncllllle! They're soon joined by Trystane's totally psychotic cousins, and everyone fights and flails around for a while more or less yelling "hiii-ya" at each other until they're stopped by Doran's axe-wielding butler. Kewl #teens Trystane Martell and Myrcella are M.O.ing in the water gardens when they are walked in on by Jaime and Bronn. You guys, what if Showgirls took place in WesterosĪlso, where is Varys in all this? Being faux-Daenerys' sassy best friend with great fashion sense, and supporting her dreams as she tries to break out of the brothels and into the big time? Oh my god, what if Showgirls took place in Westeros? God, I'd rather be watching that show this week.Īnyway, back to this week's much drearier proceedings. I smell a dramatic reunion! Do you guys think Jorah and Dany are OTP? Yes No. Martin!) and to throw Jorah into Daenerys' newly reopened fighting pits. That has been both expedited and complicated this week with their capture by slave traders, who intend to take both our dudes to Meereen - how convenient for Tyrion, once again! The traders' goals are twofold: to sell Tyrion's dick to a "cock merchant" (Cock merchants! Near-constant rape! Behold, the magical fantasy world of George R.R.
But now it seems we're mostly just biding our time and waiting for Jorah and Tyrion to arrive on her pyramid steps. I suppose it's worth noting that this was yet another Meereen-free episode, and that's okay, as long as Daenerys is using this time to plan her wedding to Mr. yeah, I'm starting to have a hard time following this thread, too.Ĭock merchants! Near-constant rape! Behold, the magical fantasy world of George R.R. (+25) Arya also Valar Morghulis'ed some poor sick kid with the water from the death fountain (+10). This week she got another step closer to that goal, and unlocked a whole new dungeon in the House of Black and White! I'm gonna go ahead and call it a promotion - or at least a workplace upgrade. Both Stark girls have been working at becoming No One this season, Arya Stark perhaps more literally than her older sister. Still, props to Sansa for having stayed completely off the grid since leaving King's Landing - judging by Cersei's disbelief at her continued existence and current residence in Winterfell. (+10) It worked for the moment, not that it matters much - Miranda's not exactly her biggest problem right now.
This is my home, and you can't frighten me," she declares to Ramsay's visibly stunned sidekick / piece. Instead, the best we can hope for at this point is a "the fucked becomes the fucker" (ugh) plot line, which is hardly original territory for Thrones, or, you know, any old exploitation film.Ĭan I even give points for something this unpleasant?Īt least she got to lay down the law for a moment with her would-be (and probably still will-be) tormentor Miranda.
?) Can I even give points for something this unpleasant? (Answer: no.) Of course, far away on the distant continent of Blogospheros, many would argue that this is the point at which not only Ramsay "lost the show" but the show "lost touch with humanity." I was rather hoping for Sansa to shiv Ramsay right in the assault kit, but the symbolic black dye has been washed out of her hair (side note: how long has she gone without a shampoo, then?), and without her mentor in deviousness Littlefinger around, she's lost her newly acquired cynical 'tude. Sansa Stark and Ramsay Snow went ahead and made it official in the Godswood (+20 each) and celebrated, as is tradition, in the North with a controversial rape scene! (+20 each. It was just last week that I introduced the Marriage Pits into The Game of Game of Thrones, and my initial hesitance has already justified itself.
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